Life lesson?

I cant believe how many hours I could actually spend looking through old journals & old pictures. Immediately my mind is flooded with memories of the exact moments when I wrote all of those things down & the moments following after; all of the things I didn't write & wish I had. It seems so long ago. I wish I had written a more detailed description of the things that happened or the things that were said. I'm not talking about any specific moment I documented in my journals, all together I wish I could remember every detail of my years that have lead me to where I find myself now. Sometimes I think about carrying a video camera & capturing every favorite moment of these last couple months. I don't want to forget any of it. I try to remember it all so that I could replay it in my mind whenever I want to, but as time flies by I'll remember what happened but forget what I felt, or vice versa. I suppose its impossible to hold on to everything.

I wish I had more memories of my family members that have passed away. I have so many, but I bet there is so much that I don't remember. What a beautiful gift God has given us, that we are able to experience remembering those that no longer walk with us. I've never thought about that until tonight.

I have found only ONE picture of just my uncle & I, yet I could remember hundreds of moments I spent with him from just looking at it. It was taken on my 15th birthday & he's wearing a black tux, his hand was on my back while we posed for the picture & we're both smiling. It is a beautiful memory that I hold so close to my heart.

So when I spend time looking through the things of my past I am reminded of how far the Lord has brought me & the different people that have made a difference in my life, good & bad. up until tonight I thought that, if given the opportunity, I would actually go back & change some things, but now I know I wouldn't.

All of this started tonight because I went to put my sandals away in my closet... where I keep my journals...

Time

I'm sorry I havent had much time to update lately. a lot is going on & I cant wait to share with all of you what the Lord is doing in my life & how my life has changed in the last month or so. (believe me- a lot has changed) ( mostly good) I know Brenda & Megan & Becky would really appreciate that I update more often seeing as how they are on the road (miss you/love you guys) promise I'll get to it asap.



Bea

Foolish things

I think it is the best feeling & peace when we stop to think of how blessed we are.

For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God and righteousness and sanctification and redemption that, as it is written, "He who glories, let him glory in the LORD."
1 Corinthians 1:26-31

You

Have you ever had something wanting to escape your lips & no matter how tight you shut your mouth, your heart seems to escape through your actions? Always.

Sharing

I wanted to share one of my favorite quotes with you guys (who ever is reading this). Its on my dry-erase board on my wall, but I've never erased it. Its been impressed in my heart & ringing in my mind. Enjoy.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

C.S. Lewis

Europe

For a few weeks my prayers have consisted of yearning for God to show me something great, to show me my next big step. I have been asking for something to motivate me or to give me a little push, in what I feel is becoming this stagnant old life of mine. Aside from my relationship with Christ (that is number one) I have been blessed beyond measurewith a job that is offering stability, (financial, emotional, & even daily feelings)I have great friends who are there for me & they offer encouragment & community, I have a family that gives unconditional love, we share a bond that helps me get through everything. None of these things fall under a stagnant old life but they do fall under my daily life. I DESIRE MORE. so the perfect opportunity was handed to me just the other day & I decided to go to Europe this May. For the next few months I will be challenged to not throw away my money on redundant things & save. save save SAVE! I am motivated to work hard at my job, save cash, kick my bad habits ( I havent smoked since new years), appreciate more time with my friends & family, & focus on my personal growth as a human being & a disciple of Christ.
So my friends, this is all to say, Im going to Europe in May.

He shall direct your paths

I dont get how I can be so impulsive about saying certain things & then find it so difficult to talk about how I feel. The problem isnt that I cant express myself the way I want, I think I'm just growing to fear confrontation. Which is not me. On my drive home from Oceanside today I had a really neat opportunity to be alone with my thoughts. I was able to bring all my cares to the Lord & ask for direction & guidance. Ive been feeling really different lately. Ive been so anxious to see & experience what God has for me next. Ive been so tired of this place that Im in. My growth has been so hindered by my soroundings & I feel such a need for escape. Getting out of Fullerton is unrealistic at the moment, but I know Ive been called to something more & somewhere different from everything that Ive known for the last 8 or 9 years of my life. When I went away to college my life was exactly the way I wanted it to be. I was doing something. I was learning & I was growing. I was experiencing life, traveling, seeing God's invisible attributes through His creation, venturing out with little to no expectation.

But now, here I am, working a full time job to indulge myself in all of my expensive taste for things & bad habits. Trying to live my life full of luxuries & pleasures, all while neglecting & ignoring my purpose.

But I see all of that right now. & Im so tired of it. I dont know what the opposite of all of this looks like, but I am putting all of my trust in the Lord & I know that He will reveal these things to me. I think I am beginning to see what direction my life is going & who I want alongside of me on the way there.

& who I dont want.





"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, & lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, & He shall direct your paths. " Proverbs 3:5-6