Diagnosed

Why is it that not until you experience real tragedy that you begin to see life in a different light...today we found out my aunt was diagnosed with bone cancer. A few years ago she had breast cancer and up until last weekend we all thought it was under control, but it had spread to her spine and her ribs. Bone cancer...how is one suppose to deal with that, she now has a more intense chemotherapy to endure. When you are diagnosed with cancer, the next step is to have chemo. Chemo kills everything inside of you; you're prone to an illness which your body has absolutely no means to fight off. A common cold could end your life. How the hell are you suppose to handle that?! Are you suppose to get into a plastic bubble to protect yourself from germs, or lock yourself in a sealed room where someone has to be sprayed from head to toe just to enter? Condemned to living in fear of experiencing the rest that your life has to offer and ignore your purpose? Shit. Life is tough.

I don't know about my own life right now. Where is my eternal perspective?

BFF

This is all about beginning a friendship, one that will last forever, one that is positive & selfless; a friendship that I will learn from & grow from. I am happy & thats what matters to me right now.

I'm your stranger, jump!

I am in a position where currently I don't care what people say about my choices. I don't want to hear that they don't approve or that they don't think its a good decision. I am not at all saying that I don't appreciate the people in my life that really speak their minds (autumn, janine, brenda) but I want to figure this out on my own, without people filling my heart with doubts. I think things over ten times fast, so anything people say to me I've already thought about. I may sound a bit arrogant, and I am aware of that, but I've waited so long for this moment in my life and I just want to take it in, even if it hurts me in the future, I am not going to live the next years of my life in regret, wishing that I had taken a leap of faith, and trusted my heart. I am going to take that leap, and be happy.

Start over

You know that when you are given a second chance at things you want to do everything perfectly, careful not to mess things up the second time around. The first time around I took what I had for granted and abused of it. This time I'm going to do things differently...with experience and growth behind me I'm ready to see what I can do now, what I can learn, and most importantly, trust that God has a plan greater than my own.

Am I that negative?

I think its ok for me to admit that I'm not doing so well. I dont want to pretend like I'm great. Since Shayne & I broke up I have felt different. My attitude about things is different & the way I think about things is different. I dont necessarily think Shayne & I breaking up is directly connected to my change, but its how I date it. I've always been told that I am a negative person, but I'm recently seeing it more, & its really getting to me.

San Diego drive