Seven things you might not know about me

one: I am obssessive about the organization of my stuff. especially when it comes to my closet & clothes. I have always organized my clothes from left to right, starting with no sleeve shirts, to almost short sleeves, to short sleeves, to a little bit longer sleeves, ---->all the way down to long sleeves, into cardigans, into sweatshirts, into coats. but most recently I've changed my ways & I now organize by color. starting with no specific color. yeah. OCD.

two: I studied abroad in Mallorca, Spain almost 2 years ago. lived & breathed Mallorcan life & air for 3 & a half months. (most of you know that) but what you dont know is that I still miss being there with all that i am & it still feels like I was there yesterday. my heart still yearns to stand on Mallorca's streets & beaches. its not an unhealthy yearn where I forget I am actually in Southern California, I just fell in love with a place & I plan to return.

three: I would not consider myself high fashion (as brenda says) or high maintenance. it takes me about 12 minutes to get ready for work every morning. I rarely take the time to make myself up, unless I'm going somewhere nice. but for the past 3 years, a couple times a month (in the last year its been once a month) -I like to spend the whole day pampering myself . taking long showers, taking my time to do my hair, give myself manicures & pedicures, facials & share time on my own or share with the Lord. all of this usually ends with a bowl of pop corn & a favorite movie. (either high fidelity or marie antoinette)

four: I dont like sharing cups of milk. I will share sodas, juice, alcoholic beverages, & I'll even drink out of the same water bottle or from the same straw (if there's 2)--but I will not allow you to drink out of my cup of milk & I will never drink out of yours.

five: Ive never had my own room. I have always shared with my sister. =/

six: every monday night I meet with my therapist. It has become one of the most amazing experiences & a journey about getting to know myself & finding my REAL identity in Christ. Ive been challenged & grown closer to the Lord because of it.

seven: sometimes I wish I didnt act the way I do towards people.

Being a servant of God.

Originally posted in my livejournal on June 4, 2007:

"I sense so much of who I am slipping away. I suppose Ive felt this way quite often. but this time I think im grasping who I am in CHRIST. & as I analyze the last 2 years of my life I see this pattern of conformity & settling for less. but if I look beyond this last 2 years I come to the conclusion that Ive been this way my whole life. constantly letting go of what I really deserve & settling for the easier route. & Im not talking about relationships. thats the least of my worries. Im talking about my life as a whole. my life that im so far from living & working at. I have one purpose, that is to serve the Lord. Im not ok with living a mediocre christian life which consists of working a full time job at fullerton community bank, going to church on sundays & when there are bbqs, & maybe sponsoring a missionary in india. thats not my calling. (it may be others' calling) i am to be that missionary. in india? I do not know. but that is beside the point. but I want to live a real christian life, not what america portrays christians to be."


I didnt always do my best at getting across what I was feeling, but with almost 2 years of experiences behind me after having written this, I am so thankful that God has preserved my heart to think the same way. I still desire so strongly to serve the Lord with my life & my whole being. serving Him in different ministries has been such a blessing in my own life & has brought true joy into my heart. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given & the even more my purpose that has been revealed.

1 John 3:1

"The great thing about love is you always get a second chance. Remember that, you always get a second chance."

-John Lennon

No, Seriously

I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it
Sometimes I give
myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind
plays tricks on me

Isaiah 40:28-31

I have been feeling really guilty these last few days. I feel guilty for being so apathetic towards my sister & her constant sobbing over my aunt. I feel guilty that I couldnt cry when my mom told us the news about my tia. I feel guilty that even after trying to make myself cry I still couldnt & was so caught up in my own things. The night my mom sat my sister & I down to tell us, Cindy lost it. Her cries were like the cries she cried for nights, & weeks after my uncles death. & I just sat there completely emotionless, staring at the ceiling. so many negative thoughts were running through my brain & I couldnt get my sister's crying out of my head. I could hear so much hopelessness in the way that she cried & I could feel her confusion & lack of understanding.

As a follower of Christ & His Word, I have been given & have received salvation. Along with that I have been given a hope for life after death along side our Savior. I have the understanding in my heart that in this life we are born & we die. Sometimes both come unexpectedly, but the larger picture that God has painted is beyond our imagination. (& even a follower of Christ cant know it all & wont know it all) I have accepted that there are many things I will never understand or live to see then understand. Ive accepted that because there is a peace inside my heart that allows me to see God's hand working.

Its almost like I'm literally watching God transform me & those around me (my family, my friends) watching Him give & take away, watching Him purge those things out of my life that are holding me back. I dont know how this relates to my aunt & all that she is going through, but at the same time I think that its through this that I am seeing these things.


I feel as thought I am confusing my carelessness for false faith in God. Right after my mom told us, my first thought was "my aunts not going to die, Gods totally gonna heal her" & then I prayed. I dont even remember what I prayed, but I remember my sister being the only person I could think of. -she handles death so different from me. I am sad ( I do have a heart) but I cant cry, & I cant let go of the fact that I cant cry over it, & that makes me cry. DOESNT MAKE SENSE, I KNOW. These past few days I cant even understand what death means. Its like I'm prepared for the moment I die to be with the Lord, but I'm not prepared to see my loved ones die.

My tia Ofelia's cancer spread to her kidney. She was given one month. I'm praying & I'm praying. My friends are praying & my family is praying. I do have faith that God could heal her if He desired to, but it may not be His will. I say that I am ok with that, but I really hope she lives.




Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
& to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint & be weary,
& the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run & not be weary,
They shall walk & not faint.