Originally posted in my livejournal on June 4, 2007:
"I sense so much of who I am slipping away. I suppose Ive felt this way quite often. but this time I think im grasping who I am in CHRIST. & as I analyze the last 2 years of my life I see this pattern of conformity & settling for less. but if I look beyond this last 2 years I come to the conclusion that Ive been this way my whole life. constantly letting go of what I really deserve & settling for the easier route. & Im not talking about relationships. thats the least of my worries. Im talking about my life as a whole. my life that im so far from living & working at. I have one purpose, that is to serve the Lord. Im not ok with living a mediocre christian life which consists of working a full time job at fullerton community bank, going to church on sundays & when there are bbqs, & maybe sponsoring a missionary in india. thats not my calling. (it may be others' calling) i am to be that missionary. in india? I do not know. but that is beside the point. but I want to live a real christian life, not what america portrays christians to be."
I didnt always do my best at getting across what I was feeling, but with almost 2 years of experiences behind me after having written this, I am so thankful that God has preserved my heart to think the same way. I still desire so strongly to serve the Lord with my life & my whole being. serving Him in different ministries has been such a blessing in my own life & has brought true joy into my heart. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given & the even more my purpose that has been revealed.
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2 comments:
I like this journal entry. I agree with a lot of what you wrote. That to be like what America portrays Christians as would be a life of mediocrity. That I have a different calling. But what, then, should my life look like? It is a constant journey to figure that out, but through that journey of trying things that are different than what many Christians do, I feel like I have found a more real version of God.
I think its beautiful that as we walk with Christ we are constantly being shown new things. He is revealing Himself little by little to us, & as we mature, His love & forgivness is much more evident in the way we act or speak.
Im encouraged by the thoughts of your own life. Im glad you have found a more real version of God, & not the version the world portrays. =]
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