My plan?

It has been for several days now that there has been a pain in my heart. I have been trying my best to rely on the Lord for healing and peace, yet I keep trying to come up with my own solutions. Thoughts of running away and getting out of this place run around in my mind over and over again. Even in the most dramatic ways possible I picture myself packing my things and leaving without saying goodbye. My life isn't too hard, sure I have a few issues and sure I have negative influences, but its nothing that God can't handle. Its nothing that I can't handle, Gods Word specifically tells me that God will never give me more than I can handle..so why do I insist on leaving it all behind? Why do I desire nothing but to breakfree of the life I live here in buena park, or fullerton, or at wilshire avenue. I am careful not to confuse all of these thoughts for desires of running away from my problems in order to not deal with them, because I am dealing with them, and I want to continue that, I don't want to leave behing unfinished business and unsettled issues, that would be unfair, and absolutely not good for my soul. I do have a plan, and I am open to God changing it, but I want to leave in a year. Out of southern california and out of my group of friends. I love my friends and no doubt it would be hard and painful, but it would be ok. My family is a different story, it would make any of this the most difficult thing for me to do, but I know I would have their support and prayers, and that's all that matters.


I have no idea where ill end up same time next year, I could quite possibly change my mind and my desires will change and I won't want leave, maybe I will find my calling in southern cali again for another year or more... Maybe ill even look back at this blog and think about how silly my thoughts were.. And say " what was I thinking? " , and that's ok...