Last night there was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I met with Andy finally and we were both able to share what has been on our hearts and minds for the past couple weeks. It really had been a burden for me. I was experiencing restoration and growth while this one relationship was being torn down by a lack of communication and honesty. The last time we talked we both left feeling frustrated and helpless. He desired to help me and I did not want help. During my process and journey towards a better relationship with Christ, my relationship with Andy was cold and unwelcomed, but last night everything was put on the table and there was reconciliation because of forgiveness and grace. Last night I was reminded that I am on the right path, and that my effort and dedication to my relationship with the Lord is not in vain.
I have been through so much in the last few years, and never have I fully allowed God to have control of my life. I might have prayed "Your will be done in my life.." but in my heart my prayer sounded more like "Your will be done in my life... minus the areas that I want to take care of, minus the relationships that I want control over, minus the decisions that seem scary..." I cannot say that at this moment I have given God that full and complete control, because I still dont know what that looks like, but with my whole heart I desire to be in His will, for His desires to be my own; He must increase, but I must decrease.
The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.
Psalm 23
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