I am getting a better perception of my life & what the Lord really desires to teach me. Its been a difficult & trying time because I am constantly having to discern things that come my way. I feel as though God has me kicking & screaming as He tries showing me something about myself, I imagine myself standing before Him while putting my hands over my eyes in an attempt at hiding from the person He is showing me I really am. Not that I am so unhappy with who I am, but when God reveals to you things you had no idea existed in your heart its scary. In just a couple weeks I feel as though I have been stretched & broken... being broken is painful. In no particular order, I was struggling finding a job, my friendship with Logan was unhealthy, I felt punished by people around me, I didn't have time for anything (because time is money, money is time & I definitely don't have money), & I've had such a strong desire to start smoking again, didn't know if God was telling me to step down from leadership, was thinking of leaving Wilshire Ave. completely & finding a new church, I had even taken a step & emailed the pastor at Calvary Chapel Fullerton & was talking to him about their college ministry.
I was not stressed out or going crazy, there were just so many things going on, & I really don't know how I am still alive. ha. I am really so thankful for the things that God is bringing me through, I believe one hundred percent He is working things out for the good, after all He is the author & finisher of our faith. God has begun this work in my heart that is going to take time & perseverance. Selflessness is probably one of the hardest things to learn, & even harder to practice.
The Lord has been so patient with me & has given me a peace about the things I am going through, I am trying my hardest to walk in the Spirit & lean on Christ, & not my own understandings.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; & character, hope. & hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment