I'm so tired, tired of waiting on you

I thought that maybe it was about time for me to write again, I put it off because I've had someone to release all my thoughts on to for the last month & a half. Thats been slowly changing & I mentally do not know how to deal. I share this not because I want my friends feeling sorry for me, but in hopes that I can some how make sense of my situation. Everyday for the last week I've been checking my phone every chance I get hoping to see a missed call or text message from Josh...& nothing. Negativity runs in & out of my thoughts & leaves me feeling sad & hopeless. I try keeping myself busy & around people that build me up, but my thoughts always end on him. We had been fighting a lot & he just got sick of it. He said we needed a breather, that we needed time to miss each other & not talk for a couple of days (bullshit in my mind) but I agreed to it. I refuse to lose him because of futile problems that have solutions. A break is not the solution to a troubling month long relationship. But if he wasnt happy because of how much we were fighting, then I believed I needed to honor that. Was I wrong? I dont know. Tomorrow it will be a week since Josh & I talked... Doubt has begun clouding my mind & now I feel I am left in the dark, with no idea about what he is thinking or where our relationship is going. I took the last week for myself as well. I thought about a lot of things & a lot of people. I enjoyed my time, though I struggled not calling him any chance I got, I believe I have given him what he says he needed. But its been about a week & I am getting tired; emotionally & mentally. Is this worth it?

Not a real update

Because I havent had a chance to sit down & write, here's a quick update:

1.I'm still working at the physical therapy clinic. I still love it, & I am thankful everyday for a job that pays my bills...But my boss is still an idiot.
2.I dyed my hair a couple weeks ago & its light, some high&low lights (thats for those of you who dont see me often)...& I think I like it.
3.I am loving wednesday nights with our youth group & looking forward to the new program this summer. It will be so much more intimate & I really think its going to grow us closer together, as leaders & especially grow our relationships with the kids, who by the way, I am loving more & more every week...& I cant believe I was considering leaving.
4.I started going back to my church on Sundays. its been a huge blessing.(still going to Monday night Bible study @ Inland Hills Church)
5.I am learning to invest much more in the friendships that I actually care about & letting go of friendships that weren't going anywhere.
6.Last but not least, I have been in a relationship for almost a month with a very lucky guy named Josh & its easier more often than it is hard. He lives in Indiana (that's the hard part) but we talk constantly (that's the easy part) We have plans. (detailed description requires a whole other post)... & hes amazing.
7.In other words, I am the happiest I've been in a long time. Those are just a few reasons why.



Note to self:
I promise I wont go so long without writing.