Beginning a new chapter

A few days ago I was cleaning my room, I was throwing things away that I had been holding on to for too long & refused to throw away, letting go (of some things) was easy. I was putting things into boxes, things that I knew I'd want to take with me... not just to bring along into my new apartment but bring along into my life & this new chapter of my life. Old pictures, letters, & a collection of random items. There were so many things I couldnt believe had survived through the years, each bringing good & bad memories. I cried over some & laughed about others as they were thrown into the trash. I've been avoiding throwing out a particular box which surprisingly holds a lot of stuff for being worth only 6 months of my life. I dont know why I dont throw it out. I really dont think that its because I'm holding on to him, I havent looked inside the box in 3 months. So this time when I was cleaning my room, I was sure that it would be thrown into the trash & I didnt do it. & I dont freaken know why! its like I was given an opportunity to dispose of something-that should have no place in my life or in my room, & especially not in this brand new chapter of my life- & I freaked. what am I afraid of? what do I think I'm giving up or losing? It's like I desire to erase him completely from my life, & never think about him again, as though to count him dead. But one cant do that, its impossible. Maybe I need to start smaller. Maybe I'll begin with forgiving him. When I go home today, I'm throwing away that box.