Friday, May 23, 2008

Text messaging is overrated

I had an interesting morning today. For the last 2 weeks I have received random text messages from an exboyfriend (if you know me, I'm very sure you know who I am referring to) the text messages are very short & rarely is there any emotion behind them, at least, none that I can see through a text message. Sometimes he asks me how I am (which no longer bothers me.) sometimes he asks me other questions, like about the new Johns Incredible Pizza Place at the Buena Park Mall, sometimes its just to let me know that he thinks he saw me driving on Beach Blvd. near Biola. (which I wasn't) anyways...these text messages haven't been bothering me because I realized that we could be civil & I no longer had to hate him & could move past my past... but this morning text conversation would be different. (keep in mind this is all through text messaging. which I have unlimited of. lol. ) It started with him saying "I had a dream about you last night =/" in the world of text message communication, this face "=/" means something negative. I was definitely afraid to ask for details of the dream, but my curiosity made it easy. I noticed he hesitated in telling me what it was about, twice he said "I cant say." which turned it into a game to me because now I had to know. long story short, the dream was about a group of us hanging out in his apartment & us 2 going to another room...my jaw dropped immediately when I read that. he proceded to tell me that it had made him sad & that those dreams made him miss me (which implied he had had more before) & that it made things harder for him. I was honest with him & told him that he only felt that way because he had the dream, he responded "I actually feel like that a lot...youre on my mind a lot. more than you think. thats why I text you" that was the biggest bucket of SH** to land on my head! our little text conversation ended with me telling him that it wasnt ok to talk about this, & to forget about it... but I've felt like crap all day & I didnt forget about it... I keep replaying what he said to me; he thinks about me all the time, he misses me, its hard for him... what is expected of me is to forget he said that & continue moving on with my life, but I've always fallen short of expectations & I'm afraid.

1 comment:

Autumn Rose said...

OH Bea, this is crazy to me... he is fucking with your head so much. Remember all the terrible things, and how much things hurt to be treated so badly. Please be strong. WE NEED TO HANG OUT THIS WEEKEND! I have to talk to you, I have much to say about this and other things... call me.